Confessions of a compulsive winner!

Confessions of a compulsive winner!

I have a serious problem to overwork and overload myself with work!

I know lately I've been getting on my boss's nerves. The other day he insisted that I take a break from work and was sent on a holiday. 

How lucky can one get! I was whisked away to a beautiful tropical paradise.  

Most of you would think how lucky I must be to spend such a fine holiday.

Well the problem is with me, I just can't stop thinking about work and I constantly get this urge to ring them up for new updates. 

My boss finally warned me that if I called again he would have to fire me. Well, I would never let that happen for the life of me. So I turned off the phone and locked it away in the room safe.

I was staying at a beautiful over water villa. 

I looked around and saw that the water looked lovely so I headed for the beach. 

Walking along the shoreline, the white sand felt so good underneath my feet and I saw how the other patrons were relaxing and having fun on the beach. 

I swam alone for a while in the oh-so clear, warm and blissful lagoon. But I felt kind of lonely being all by myself.

I know I make people feel uneasy in my presence but truth be told I shy away from people because I have social anxiety - antisocial if you need to label me. 

So instead of swimming all day I found a nice spot to lounge and read in the sun. 

After a couple of minutes I threw the book away. I was finding it really hard to just sit around and read. I needed some action, besides it was almost midday, the most productive time of any working day!  

How do people holiday even? I had totally forgotten! I still remember going on vacation with my parents and what it felt like. 

As a child, I used to look forward to my school holidays because that was like the only time of the year that I didn't have to study so hard.

Sigh! How the years have passed by! It seems like a century ago.  

As an only child my parent's doted on me and their lives were centered on making my life a more meaningful one.

Unfortunately, them being scholars, the bar was set unexceptionally high for me, almost sky high. There was always so much of family pressure exerted on my academic rank. 

I never knew there was anything more to life than that. It was the only way of life known to me. That's what I was told.

As long as I can remember I have always been an intensely focused go-getter. When I come to think of it now, I guess, that's exactly what my parents so tirelessly trained me to be. 

That wasn’t all - I had to put in a lot of hard work participating in all school activities. I was also expected to excel at everything; it made my parents really proud and happy. 

I used to work so hard to stay at the top, to be the very best! And even if I faltered once I could sense their disapproval, which I used to translate into as their love for me.  

Apparently I turned out to be the super-confident, highly obedient, most well-mannered, utterly studious and Olympic-athletic material girl my parents worked hard to raise.  

Class Valedictorian – that unanimously was me!

Before I finished University, great things had already been well planned for my future. My race wasn't finished yet, it had only begun, and this time in a new dimension; the job arena. 

Through the years I had acquired this thirst to compete with everyone and honed my skills to overachieve in whatever I do. 

I had this dire need inside of me to work extra hard to win. Obviously I excelled at my job even though it was really stressful and draining. 

Stress fueled me up and the need to win at any cost consumed me. I practically lived to breathe work. I worked like an ox during day and would stay up late working into the night.

Fast forward 5 years and I started getting headaches and my mind got a bit foggy. I lived on meds and checkups on a regular basis; I was barely in my thirties. Doctors advised me to take a break from work but I couldn't stop myself.

Working and winning had become my lifeline.

The headaches occurred more frequently and in time it became nastier. One day I had a series of dizzy spells and the world suddenly seemed askew and I just blacked out. 

When I came to, I was bedridden with an Ischemic stroke. I was paralyzed, with the right side of my face and arm distorted. My vision was all botched up and I had lost some vision of my right eye. 

It took me months to recover - but not fully.

I still kind of drag my right leg and there is this constant twitch in my right arm, not to mention my face, it still droops noticeably towards the right. 

Its like fate had finally crashed in to halt my busy life, once and for all. 

It forced me to stop myself from - well you know what; to stop and have a look around at life. 

And here I am, on a holiday, in this beautiful resort, in the lovely Maldives - trying to relax and enjoy the beauties of nature. 

My husband and I, own a business together and he is my boss, a mean one really, who wouldn't let me work like I used to before I got the stroke. 

Yes, I'm still that fiercely determined girl who loves to win, however I have learned things the hard way and risking my health was so not worth it. 

Do you know, if I was given the chance to do it all over again, I would tell my younger self to be just be a little bit kinder to myself. 

I would also like to tell all parents not to push your kids too hard - not to the point of breaking them in the pursuit of winning, only to lose in the long run.

Peace out to all you workaholics out there - just go gentle with your souls! Let's try to seek a balance in everything.


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