Everybody makes mistakes and we all learn from mistakes.
And when people close to me talk to me about my past and shame me I find this incredibly invalidating & hurtful.
I used to go on hurting for days not knowing what I can do to make people understand?
I have ruined my life a couple of times and yes I do take the blame and responsibility for all that had happened to me…
You see it was my choice to be out there or to run away from it…to abuse and be abused…to do wrong and be wronged…simply put, to allow it all to continue happening to me over and over again.
Yes I had the choice at that very specific moment to choose whatever or whichever path that had led to the awful consequences.
I could have stopped it all if I had the willpower and courage but I could not - I was naïve, weak and stupid!
But truth be told my younger self thought that it was the best course of action at that very moment…Yeah I chose to do all those things because I thought it was the right thing to do only to learn it wasn't.
I have learned to accept my mistakes and shortcomings…above all to forgive myself for all that I have done and what had been done to me.
That I cant change the past but I have the power to bring positive changes in my life and never go back to the people and things that had ruined me.
I have also learned not to conform to people’s expectations and to pretend to ignore their wagging tongues and whispers because you know what - people just love talking about others and they wish you had more problems in your life they can talk about.
Life is like that and we all need to embrace it and create an impenetrable fortress you call “myself”
You need to invite only the very specific special few friends because for them you don't have to prove anything…they will believe you, trust you and like you for who you really are…
They told me this:
"So go out today and find your calling its never too late to start! Go and spread the love for it will eventually come back to you!"
So here I am taking my first step to find my purpose.
I pray for the best and I wish the same for those of you who are struggling like me to find the real purpose of life.